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Steak Au Jus
Pair with Viva La Vida by Coldplay
“I have to go to the doctor’s tomorrow,” Assface says while eyeing the quarter-sized piece of wild Japanese yellowtail with fennel and California citrus on the twenty-inch wide plate.
A rendition of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida by Chinese harpsichord streams through the recessed speakers not loud enough to identify unless the conversation has died, not so silent it gives away what the couple at next table is arguing about. Had it not been for girlfriend over there getting up to slap her date’s face so hard his middle-aged jowls released a minor cloud of drool into what looks like the uni egg with sea urchin, champagne beurre blanc, and brioche croutons before she sat down again nobody would have known.
“That boil on my ass has gotten worse. It’s now the size of a grape.” Assface continues. “Maybe he can pop it for good, ‘cuz squeezing it doesn’t do the trick.”
How I wish he would stop talking. As if watching him slobber while chewing did not already make me want to scratch my gel-polished number 548 Red Carpet colored nails down all four of his shiny pink cheeks. I do not need the picture of an erupting puss volcano to get me in the mood. I take a sip of my 2008 Delamotte Blanc de Blancs Brut that despite only being rated the second best champagne to buy in 2018 tickles way more than just my…
