Please Refrain From Peeing Your Pants

Most of us don’t pee our pants even though we want to. That habit was eliminated — pun intended — through strenuous potty training somewhere between age two and five, and we have been taught and learned that however appealing it might seem we just don’t do that. We have been conditioned to think that the smell and the icky, heavy, wet, and sometimes cold feeling that follows by far outweighs the initial yummy, warm embrace of just letting it go.

But over the past couple of years, we have come under a wave — again, pun intended — of powerful people, mostly of the male persuasion, publicly denouncing this social pas from being faux. Instant gratification, an exertion of power, refusal to be told what and where to doo-doo, and the urge to poo-poo the establishment has taken the driver away from the toilet seat.

Though I could continue with the bathroom analogies, all of this is, of course, a metaphor. But it is true that behaviors that are instinctual but mostly repressed have had a renaissance. Bullying, name calling, victim shaming, sexual predation, fact denial, lack of empathy and compassion, lying and self-indulgence have been rebranded as strengths. And it feels good. It is much, much easier to give in to these than it is to fight them. The voice that says “Why not? Everybody else is doing it!” is louder than ever.

But whatever the excuse for evacuating our entire moral code for a few seconds of blissful relief, I believe, it isn’t worth it. It might feel good at first, but there will come a time where we will need to shower. We will not be able to stand each other — and more importantly, ourselves — otherwise, because it does smell and it is gross. So please refrain from peeing your pants.

Suggested Music Pairing: Don’t Eat That Yellow Snow by Frank Zappa

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