Member-only story
Once a Slug with a Nylon Combover Was Elected President
Pair with Amerika by Rammstein
Once a slug with a nylon combover was elected president. He was as surprised as anyone but thought, “How hard can it be?” In the beginning, he liked being president. They threw parties for him all the time, he could decide what everyone should do, and he got to talk about himself on TV. He even got to sit down with a real president who gave him some good advice about how to do it. The slug had never had good advice before, he always thought it was some sort of sushi, and he didn’t like yellow or water. He figured the most important part was to look like he knew what he was doing, so he got himself a cabinet. At night he put his nylon combover in there but could not understand how that should make a difference. He also got himself a staff but since he did not hike that was not much help either. Most of the time, he was bored, and after a while, he went back to doing what he had always done, noshing on dirt and decay. If it had not been for Twitter, the world would probably have forgotten about him. One day it started itching under his nylon combover where his private parts were located. He tried to use his staff for scratching it but only his daughter, a wide-eyed anis cuckoo, would agree to poke his private parts. He was in hell. The more he thought about it, the more it itched. It was unbearable…
